


College is Hell Why Can't We Be Space Pirates

by princeAmpora



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Disabled Character, F/F, F/M, Gen, Jonny d'Ville and Nastya Rasputina are Siblings, M/M, Marius has a prosthetic arm, Multi, Other, Trans Jonny d'Ville, angel and ts in a long distance relationship, ashes has asthma and smokes bc bad decisions are made in college, bertie has some real bad ptsd, brian also has chronic pain, brian has body dysmorphia and depersonalization, gunpowder the cat is blind and tim an ivy love her, ivy is autistic and has memory loss from ptsd, jonny has heart arrhythmia, jonny has ptsd from bad parenting, lyf is colorblind, nastya has pots and autism, nastya is the best sister, oneshots, raph is in a wheelchair, they all have adhd, tim and bertie were in the military, tim is blind, ts and aurora are mute autistic and cant feel pain
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:13:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27893638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princeAmpora/pseuds/princeAmpora
Summary: A oneshot collection on college Mechs because what the fuck there's a huge lack of it on here. I go to an early college but I'm still pretty much a high school student so I don't know how college works. Also, of I get symptoms or anything about the disabilities wrong, please tell me so I can fix them. I'm researching but sometimes hearing from people with the actual disability is the best. I myself have adhd. There will be warnings in the notes for any sensitive content that chapter. Since they're oneshots, there's no particular order they go in unless stated other wise, like "Part Two Of [Prev. Oneshot Name]. They are all vaguely connected though. As far as relationships go... its polycule time B]
Relationships: Bertie & The Toy Soldier (The Mechanisms), Bertie/Gunpowder Tim (The Mechanisms), Ivy Alexandria & Gunpowder Tim, Ivy Alexandria & Lyfrassir Edda, Jonny d'Ville & Ashes O'Reilly, Lyfrassir Edda & Ashes O'Reilly, Lyfrassir Edda/The Mechanisms Ensemble, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, The Aurora/Nastya Rasputina, The Mechanisms Ensemble & The Mechanisms Ensemble, The Mechanisms Ensemble/The Mechanisms Ensemble, theres gonna be a lot just gimme time
Comments: 6
Kudos: 70





	1. Lyf's Horrible, No Good, ADHD Day and Ivy is An Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lyf can't move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS:   
> -executive dysfunction   
> -disordered eating due to executive dysfunction   
> -bad personal hygiene due to executive dysfunction   
> -talk of food

Lyfrassir can’t move. They need to, they know, they need to shower, or brush their teeth, or change, or literally anything hygiene related. They’ve been too busy and out of energy to take care of themselves lately. They manage to see the reflection of their alarm clock in the window and damn it they’ve been like this for two hours. It’s pathetic. Their stomach growls and they know they have to eat and their whole brain is screaming at them to just move but they can’t. 

A knock resounds on their door. “Lyfrassir, it’s Ivy. Your RA gave me a key. I’m coming in.” The door opens as Lyf struggles to figure out how to talk. Ivy comes in and waves, face unchanging. It’s comforting to Lyf. “There was a 87% chance you were burning out last time I saw you, so I made a mental note to visit. I have tea. TS says this kind is your favorite.” She holds up a box of peppermint tea. Lyf wishes they could nod. 

“I want to clean,” Ivy says, setting the tea on the one counter in the dorm room. She does this, whenever she needs to just move and not stop, she cleans. It comes in handy on Lyf’s off days. They watch her as she practically dances around the dorm, picking up clothes, washing dishes, throwing away old ramen cups Lyf ate when they didn’t have the energy to go to the dining hall or anywhere else. She makes the tea just how TS told her Lyf liked it and set it on the nightstand in a thermos so no matter how long it took Lyf to move, it would still be warm. 

She cooked too, using food from the minifridge and the hotplate Raph stole from the lab and gave to them to use as a stove. Lyf was able to move finally when it was done. Ivy gave them the food and they ate. The tea soothed their sore throat. Ivy picked them out a change of clothes, “Do you think you can change?” They take the clothes and nod, and start changing right there. Neither them nor Ivy really cared. Ivy washed the dishes and gave Lyf some notes from the classes they shared, neatly written and color coded with little doodles in the margins, as always. Lyf writes a note on their phone to pay Ivy back somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is 100% me projecting my executive dysfunction on to lyf and my adhd cleaning onto ivy, and what about it?


	2. The Result of the Vangelis' C- Parenting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashes comes into practice late smelling like cheap beer and cigarettes from a party that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING:  
> -smoking and drinking  
> -terrible parenting  
> -panic attacks  
> -irresponsible college kids going to parties

Jonny curses after checking the time, “Damn it where the fuck is Ashes?” “I think they were at a party last night. Must still be trying to wake up.” Jonny grumbles at Brian’s words and keeps fiddling with the cords to the mic, wrapping them around and around his fingers. The door finally opens and Ashes stumbles through, no makeup and hair merely brushed, not styled. With them comes the smell of cheap beer and cigarette smoke, making the yell Jonny had in his throat die. His face goes pale as the smell fills his senses, and he’s back in that house again, red walls leaking nicotine stains and the smell of alcohol making him sick. He runs out of the practice room. 

Ashes comes looking for him, worried they might have done something wrong. He’s sitting outside the door, taking large breaths as he tries to calm down and get the memories out of his head. “Jonny, wha-” “Get away from me while you smell like that!” Ashes flinches just a bit but Jonny can’t see with his head between his knees. Ashes walks back into the practice room, “Raph, can I borrow that perfume you have?” Raph raises an eyebrow, “It’s experimental.” Ashes nods, “And strong. Please? I’ll let you take notes later.” Raph’s eyes light up and she digs in the bag next to her wheelchair, tossing an unmarked bottle to them. They walk back outside and spray down, letting the wind do most of the work. 

Tucking it in their pocket, they turn back to Jonny. “You gonna be okay now.” Jonny nods slowly, “Yeah, just… just give me a minute.” “Do you want to talk about it?” Jonny groans, “Yeah…” Ashes sits next to him and he starts. “When I was still… living with my parents. Before they died. Fuck it was a shitshow. All they did was smoke and drink and fight and it was always that shitty ass beer, fuck it smells so bad. I couldn’t breathe in that house there was so much smoke and the walls dripped with nicotine and fuck-” “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me more. I’ll be sure not to smell like that around you, okay? Do you want me to send Nastya out to help you?” Jonny nods again and Ashes walks into the practice room once again.


	3. Cat Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ivy finds a cat in the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS:  
> -none that i can think of, please let me know if otherwise :]

Ivy curses the bad weather. Walking home in the rain is not ideal. She contemplates asking someone to pick her up but only Lyf and Aurora have cars and both of them are in class currently if the schedules she’s memorized are up to date. She trudges on, coat protecting her backpack instead of her. She can get wet, her notes and laptop absolutely cannot. A noise stops her in her tracks though. A small cry. She strains to hear it better. Meowing, coming from the bush just ahead. She runs to it, and finds a small, grey cat huddled under the bush with its eyes closed, shivering. Ivy can tell that it’s old enough to not need to feed off a mother, and that it’s mother had abandoned it. She takes the small creature into her arms, ignoring the small claws as it searches for warmth in her coat. She runs home. 

She opens the door and dumps her backpack onto the couch on top of a sleeping Tim, who wakes with a start. “Ow, what the fuck! Who’s there?” Ivy jumps, not having seen him. “It’s me, Tim.” “Oh, Ivy. Welcome home.” The kitten meows. “Ivy… did you bring a cat home?” “Yes. It was underneath a bush and abandoned in the rain. It’s grey and has its eyes closed, I think it’s blind.” Tim flaps his hands as he smiles, “Like me! The kitty is like me! Have you named it yet?” “No, I need to dry it off, and get it some food. What do we have in the fridge? It’s old enough for solids.” Tim thinks, I think we have some sandwich meat?” “Perfect. Can you text Aurora to pick up some supplies on her way home?” “Yeah, you go take care of the kitty.” 

Ivy grabs a towel from the hall closet and wraps it around the small creature, drying it off. She grabs the meat from the fridge and tears it into small pieces on a plate as it cries out. She walks back to the couch, “Tim, can you hold it and feed it while I go change?” Tim nods excitedly and takes the kitten and the plate, letting it pick pieces off of it. Ivy goes up to her room and changes into warm clothes. She gets the kitten back from Tim and finishes feeding it. It seems to get sleepy and curls up between Tim and Ivy, dozing off. “Are you gonna name it?” “No, I can’t think of a good one. You should.” Tim bounces lightly with happiness and starts thinking. “What about Gunpowder? You said it was grey, right?” “Yes. That sounds good. Gunpowder.” 

Aurora comes home soon after, the trunk of her car filled with cat supplies. Marius, who had been asleep upstairs, helps her bring everything in. ‘You two better pay me back by taking responsibility for this thing,’ Aurora signs and Ivy says for Tim. “We will!” Tim says, cuddling Gunpowder who has been found to be a girl. Ivy helps set up the cat things as Marius brings them in and Tim helps her give Gunpowder a flea bath afterwards. “I’ll take her to the vet tomorrow,” Tim says, and Ivy thanks him. “We’re cat parents!” Ivy laughs a little, “Cat parents.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> timivy friendship is my favorite thing aaaaa


	4. A Day In The Life of Tim and Bertie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bertie wakes up screaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS  
> -ptsd and ptsd nightmares  
> -Character death in dreams  
> -dream flashbacks  
> -violent/traumatic blinding  
> -abandonment issues  
> -panic attacks  
> -predatory military  
> -battlefield

Explosions, gunfire, shouting. Bertie holds Tim in his arms, screaming, his throat raw. The blood pouring from his eyes soaks Bertie’s hands. He isn’t waking up. He isn’t breathing. A hand meets his and he jolts awake, the dream being knocked out of him. “Bertie, it’s me, I’m here. I’m alive. A soft kiss on his knuckles. Bertie sits up and grabs Tim’s face, resting their foreheads together. “I love you,” He says, voice shaking as tears stream down his face like Tim’s blood in his dream. “I love you too. I always will. And I’ll always be here, okay?” “Okay.” Tim climbs into Bertie’s bed and holds him close, whispering reassurances. They just needed the money, they never wanted this. They just wanted better lives.

In the morning, the two eat breakfast together as usual. TS must have heard Bertie’s attack last night, because it had made Bertie’s favorite breakfast, yoghurt with fruit and granola. Bertie likes cold foods. And he knows that they didn’t have the ingredients for this last night, so TS had to have gone to the store that night. He thanks it with a kiss to the cheek before everyone piles into Aurora’s van to be driven to campus. Bertie sits with Tim through his classes, and Tim sits through Bertie’s with him. They made their schedules so they could always be near each other. If they’re apart too long they start to panic. 

They wait at the library for Aurora to pick them up. Bertie uses Tim to practice his presentation for his astronomy major. Tim pouts cutely, “Stop giving the moon so much attention when I’m right here!!” Bertie smiles and kisses Tim’s hand, “You’re better than the moon, dearest.” Tim kisses his hand back, “I fuckin’ better be,” He says with a pout. “So what are you working on?” Bertie asks, shutting his laptop.” Tim grins evilly, “I get to write an essay on the military. I get to choose the details.” “Oh no! They’re in for a treat. What have you decided on?” “I’m gonna write about how the military is predatory and manipulates the lower class into joining.” Bertie giggles, “I can’t wait to see your professor’s reaction.” “I can’t wait to hear you describe it to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy was that a lot!! i am sorry! but hey, at least bertie is alive!!


	5. Lyf Moves In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lyf moves in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS:  
> -executive dysfunction  
> -bad hygiene as a result  
> -bad eating habits as a result

Ivy knocks on the door three times and says her name before entering the dorm. Just as she suspected, Lyf is sitting on their bed in a pile of blankets and books. Their eyes are red and their hair is knotted and a bit greasy. The only sign they’ve eaten is a ramen cup on the nightstand. The overall dorm is still clean from Ivy’s last visit, but around the bed is a disaster. Ivy starts by taking away all of the books. Lyf whines and Ivy shooshes them, “You’re not taking in any information, Lyf. You have to take a break from cramming.” She clears the bed of books and throws away the ramen cup and manages to straighten the blankets a bot around Lyf. “When was the last time you showered?” Lyf barely shrugs. “Do you have the energy to do it yourself?” Barely a shake. Ivy picks Lyf up. “I’ll help.” She takes them to the bathroom and sets them on the toilet seat. “Get undressed, I’ll grab clothes.” She comes back with Lyf’s favorite outfit, hopefully wearing it will help a bit. She fills the tub with warm water and some bubble bath she knows Lyf usually saves for special occasions. She helps them climb in and she starts to wash their hair. Lyf’s eyes close in relaxation. 

“Lyf, I have an idea.” They hum and she goes on, “I always help after you’ve already spiralled. I think someone or multiple people being around to catch you before it gets bad would be very helpful.” Lyf raises an eyebrow. “You know I live in a big house with my friends. I think you should move in too. They make an excellent support system, and we do have an open bed. You would be rooming with me.” Once Lyf is clean, Ivy hands them a towel, “I’ll go make some food, you think about it.” Ivy manages to pull together a sandwich with what little food was in the minifridge. Lyf comes out of the bathroom and sits on the edge of the bed. She hands them the food and sits behind them to start braiding their hair. “It sounds nice,” they manage to say. Ivy smiles, “I’ll tell Aurora. When would you like to move in?” Lyf finishes their sandwich, “Tomorrow? It’s the weekend, so…” “We can do that. I’ll help you pack now. Put on some music you like.” 

Ivy spends the night helping them pack what little they have in the dorm, and sends an email to the college telling them Lyf is moving out. They fall asleep watching Lyf’s favorite show. In the morning, Aurora knocks on the door. “Lyf, this is Aurora. It’s her house that we all live in.” Aurora waves and signs, ‘Ivy has talked a lot about you.’ ‘That’s sweet,’ They sign back, smiling. The three of them load Aurora’s van. Ivy sits in the passenger seat and the three talk on the way there. ‘I have everyone besides Ashes in their rooms for now. I didn’t want to overwhelm you.’ “How many of you are there?” “There’s me, Aurora, Tim, Bertie, Ashes, Jonny, Brian, Raphaella, Nastya, TS, and Marius. So eleven, and you make twelve.” Lyf nods, “Yeah, meeting all of them at once would be a lot.” 

Aurora pulls into the driveway of the absolutely massive house. There’s someone outside, Ashes probably. Everyone unloads. “Lyf, right?” They nod, and Ashes smiles, “I’ve heard a lot about you. I think we’re gonna get along.” Everyone grabs a box and walks into the house. Someone is loudly playing the violin. Ashes huffs, “He’s so upset that he has to stay in his room. I’m about to shout.” Lyf sets down their box and covers their ears. “Marius if you don’t stop playing I swear on my favorite lighter I will set that violin on fire!” The violin abruptly stops. Ashes grins and leads the group to Ivy and now Lyf’s room. “Tim and Bertie are in the room to the left, they get nightmares sometimes but the room is pretty well soundproofed. Jonny and I are to the right. Write down a list of allergies, dietary restrictions, and anything else you need.” “Uh, thanks,” Lyf says as they all pile boxes onto their bed. It’s going to take some getting used to, but everyone seems nice so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyf gains a support system asmr


	6. Nastya Is The Best Sister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nastya and Jonny over the years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS:  
> -Neglectful/abusive parents  
> -hospitals  
> -surgery  
> -transphobia  
> -being kicked out/disowned  
> -a bar (like the kind with alcohol) mentioned

“Ms. Rasputina? Your new roommate is here.” Nastya looks away from the window at the nurse, who has a hand on another child’s shoulder. They look about her age, ten. “This is-” “My name is Jonny.” “Nastya.” “I’m not nasty!” Natya laughs, “No, My name. It’s Nastya.” “Oh. Sorry.” “Don’t be.” “Your accent is… different.” “I’m from Russia.” “Oh. I’m from Texas.” “Where’s that?” “America.”

Nastya looks at all the machines around Jonny. “What are you here for?” “My heart is weird. It’s not a big deal but apparently I have to be here to monitor it or some shit.” “Language,” The nurse warns playfully as she writes down information from the monitor. “What about you?” “I can’t walk because I get dizzy. My blood doesn’t circitate-” “Circulate” “-regularly.” 

“Anastasia, your parents cancelled the visit again.” Nastya sighs, “That’s okay.” Jonny furrows his brows, “No it’s not!! They’re your family, they should be here!” “It’s okay Jonny. They still pay for me to be here.” “But they haven’t been here in the near month that I’ve been here!” “Well where are your parents then?” Nastya snaps, and immediately regrets it. Jonny recoils. “They don’t care, they just wanted me somewhere they didn’t have to deal with me.” “Jonny… I’m sorry.” “S’fine.” 

“Jonny… Your parents have stopped paying for your treatment. You have to be discharged soon.” Nastya watches Jonny’s face fill with anger, sadness, and fear. He didn’t want to go home. “Alyosha, Jonny will be staying. Give me a minute and someone will pay.” “Nastya you don’t have to-” “I want to.” She grabs her cell phone and dials the number. “Father. I would like a present. Yes it would make up for you cancelling the meeting. I would like you to pay for the treatment of my friend. Last name Vangelis. Thank you. Yes, I am happy now, very happy. Goodbye.” 

“They would never pay for this and I can’t even come out without the risk of them kicking me out but I don’t want to ask other people for money, it feels pathetic! I’m trying to get a job but no one is hiring!” Jonny finishes his rant and Nastya smiles at him through the face time, “Jonny, I have to hang up but that shouldn’t be a problem much longer.” “No, Nastya, I know that sneaky smile!” “Oh, Jonny, you’re breaking up I can’t hear you, maybe I should ask my father for a new phone, let me call him-” She hangs up and calls her father. “My birthday was yesterday. No, it’s fine you missed it. I have a way you can make it up to me.” She types a question into her laptop. “I’m emailing you a doctor. I want you to make and pay for an appointment under the name Jonny d’Ville. Thank you.” 

Nastya holds Jonny’s hand tightly, “I’ll be here when it’s over, okay?” Jonny smiles sleepily, “Thank you, Nastya.” “Of course, you’re my brother, I wouldn’t miss something like this.” When Jonny wakes up after the surgery, Nastya is there just as she promised, holding snacks. “Your chest is flat!” She cheers, handing him a snack cake. Jonny grins the biggest grin she’s ever seen on him. “They’re finally gone!” They bump their cakes together in cheers. 

“Nastya. Nastya, they kicked me out.” Nastya slowly gets up. “Where are you now?” “Jack’s.” “I’ll be there soon, just stay where you are.” She takes a bus from her hotel to the One Eyed Jack’s Bar. She had a feeling this would happen. Why did she ever let him go home, fuck, that was so stupid. “Jonny?” “I’m here, Nastya.” He had tear streaks down his face. Nastya wipes them away, “I’m taking you back to my hotel room, okay? We’ll figure something out.” 

“I got accepted!” Jonny dances around with the acceptance letter. Nastya smiles and joins in, bouncing, “We’re going to the same college! Oh, and Aurora said we can move in with her! This is perfect!” Jonny hugs his sister and pulls her into a little dance. She laughs at him and pokes between his ribs, “Dork.” “Ouch! Hey!” “Sorry, Cain instinct.” He pokes back. She punches his arm. The cycle continues through giggles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the cutest thing i will ever write im retiring


End file.
